your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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