who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
