your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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