so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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