so let's talk penis.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
