He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
