This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
