The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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