I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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