btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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