Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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