I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
