WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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