i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
