It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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