yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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