i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
