is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
