to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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