My first STD was from a foam party
you guys were way drunker than both of me
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
