If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
