yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
