I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
