I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
