Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
