hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I supernannyed him into submission
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
