i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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