i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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