I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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