I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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