i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
