Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
