My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
