I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
