in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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