i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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