she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
