Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
