you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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