I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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