White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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