Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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