I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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