guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
