Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
