I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
