There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
