i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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