His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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