I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
