Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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