it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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