i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
