So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
